i don't like sucking hair
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
