I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
