How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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