I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
