he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
