Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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