Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
