my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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