As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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