i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
