I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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