We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
