It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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