Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
