around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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