Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
