dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
