This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
