Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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