"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
