If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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