can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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