youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
