Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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