Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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