Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
