the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
