Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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