mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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