were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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