I cockslap morals
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
