What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
