she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
