He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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