i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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