Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
