Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
