i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Randomize
