Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
