i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
that's an acceptable place to lick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
