Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
