Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
