I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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