hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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