just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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