i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
