apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize