did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
