I just made out with a guy for $7.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
