We're facebook friends in real life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
