Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
