He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
