Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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