i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
