she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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